Next Lifetime

This is one of my favorite Erykah Badu songs. <3.

Naked In My Skin

I'm naked in my skin. Not sure whats going on or whats within...
These eyes of mine. They've seen so many lies, so many times.
But I won't re-visit that place..
I'm naked in my skin. Having to face what I've tried to run away from for so long.
See, I thought I could escape, all my troubles and my woes.
But they have a way of finding me even when I stay on my toes..
I'm naked in my skin. Just laying here, just waiting.
I'd like to be naked in your skin, and see what it is you see in me.
See what it is you think of me...
But maybe I'm afraid to know the truth. I've heard that it hurts.
I can't move forward if I'm always looking behind my shoulder.
As of late, I think I'm better off staying in the present. Living in the moment.
If you want me, you always know where to find me.
Naked in my skin.

Realization

At least you're consistent.
A consistent fuck up.
I know now that I can always count on you,
to let me down.


No matter how low I sink,
I could never be as low as you.
You're like the scum between my toes.
The filth left behind by the garbage man.


I could say it once, twice, a dozen times...
and still it would not be enough.
Fuck you.


You're probably wondering,
"now what did I do?"


Well if you don't know,
you will soon.


You're gonna learn...
You're gonna learn,
what its like to get fucked over.


...Realization...

The Awakening

Thank you for being exactly who I thought you were. 
An untrustworthy fraud,
a phony,
a manipulator,
a liar.

How dare you think you can just
walk in and out of my life,
as if its a revolving door.

People always talk about how different they are.
Funny thing is, you're all starting to look the same.


So, erase me from your memory.
I'll do the same for you.

And one last thing...

Fuck. You. :)

I. Am. Me.

    I am me.
 
    And you are you.

  We are separate entities.

    Never two.

Just a me and a you.

    But thats ok.

Cause I realized that I don't need you anyway.

I am me.

I accept that.

Its your loss, if you can't.

I know I don't need you anymore.

I know I can't have you anymore.

You were never mine to begin with, now were you?

I know now that I can't move forward if I'm always looking behind my shoulder.

And thats where I've left you.

Behind me.

Ahead of me, lies blue skies.

Ahead of me.. lies.. my future.

The Morning

Tumblr

If anyone has a tumblr, check out my page and follow if you want. I'll follow you back! :)

http://bulletproofb.tumblr.com/

I. Am.

I like this series, (taken from Poets United, so I've decided to write two more additional poems based on this topic. This is the first poem).

I don't know what you see
when you look at me
but in my eyes,
I am...

A girl
who is not yet a woman

shy, awkward,
and sometimes afraid

but I try to play it cool anyway.

I stray away
from anything
or anyone
that looks as if they'll do me harm.

Through these eyes,
I wish I could be
a better me.

What do you see when you look at me?

Why should I care?

What do I see when I look at me?

Aah.. now we're getting somewhere

~Take the best version of yourself and portray that to the world~...
Because sometimes you gotta fake it till you make it..

Sometimes I feel like Adele is singing the soundtrack to my life

Love.

I love this song. I wish it was longer.

Words I Never Said

So I realized that these past couple days, I've been writing about the same thing, it's like a pattern developed without me even realizing it.. Interesante...


All these things wrapped in my head
...words I never said.
I want to go away
Up, up, and away.
To a place
where no one knows my name.
Is it possible, to start at the beginning?
Guess not.
Because,
The end is the beginning is the end...
All these things wrapped in my head,
words I never said.

Leave me alone
I want to scream and shout.
I want to curse the sky,
the night,
the day.
Vanity.
All is vanity.
Words unspoken can't be broken.
I'm done.
Finis.
No woe is me.
No, not this time.

This time I will be silent.
Never more. Never more.
Till I curl upon the floor.
Like the child I never fully learned to let go.

Just So We're Clear

Google Image Result

I want it

I need it

I am it

I see it

I crave it

I want to touch

I want to...


No, I want to make love...

I want to...

I want you...

I want you so bad...

Wait, what am I saying?

I hate love,

I don't even know what it is.. or what it isn't...

Just so we're clear,

I don't like you.

Sure, I'd love to fight you.


Just so we're clear,

I'm one-nighting you.

Just so we're clear...

Perfectly Perfected Randomness

Can you really perfect randomness?


...Perfectly perfected randomness...

My heart was once a broken mess.

With many mini missing pieces.

And I've run out of glue.

But I told myself,

No more missing you.

It was all,

Like a dream in my head.

I hoped I would not awaken,

For dreams such as these should never be forsaken...

After a while,

I get bored easily.

I'm not saying that its hard to please me,

It's like Pac said, "I don't want it if its that easy"...

I'd like to think that I'm a smart girl.

Yet, when it comes to matters of the heart

In this, I am a novice.

My two decades seem like nothing.

Because as I get older

I find,

That with time,

I really don't know anything at all...

...Perfectly perfected randomness...

My life is sometimes an awkward mess.

A mess, that yes I helped create.

But is it my fate to keep reliving the same bad dream over and over?

I want off this roller coaster.

I wish I was a rocketeer,

So I could escape all of my fears.

I'd blast off into outer space.

At least there, I'd never have to see your face

Again.

Adios.. Adieu.. Buh bye..

One day I'll fly away.

...One day...

Run Away

I can definitely relate to this song.. especially now...

My Fault, My Bad, My Lost

    I was a bit upset when I wrote this so it's kind of a vent..


   You're an enigma...
   
  I can't change you
 And so I hate you.
 I"m so angry,
 How could I ever date you?
It's like Shakespeare said,
"To thine own self be true."

Well here I am,
and now you've got me singing the blues...
I can't do this-No I Won't do this anymore
No more angry Brittney
No more sad Brittney
As the Raven said,
never more... never more...

No more wasted fears or held-back tears
No.. no.. no..
The only thing I regret,
Is all the warning signs I ignored.
Its like Ms. Angelou once said,
"When people show you who they are, Believe Them!"
That's it...
I'm done... and then some..

Summer

Remember when we met in the summer?

I do.

It was so hot that day and so were you.

Me being the type of girl I am, looked your way but there was no way that I would convey what I was thinking.


But you did. And it worked.

You asked for my number and I obliged.

And everything was cool.


Remember the first time we talked on the phone?

I do.

I was nervous to talk to you.

Boy was I shy.

But you put a smile on my face.

And for once I felt at ease.

Like I was free of whatever had been plaguing me.


Remember the first time we kissed?

I do.

Your lips were so soft and gentle.

And they made me feel warm and mellow.

But it didn't last and I accept that now.

I guess I'll call you a summer fling.

Don't worry, all my memories of you are good ones.


And I'll be thinking of you always.

And I'll always remember that summer.

No Explanation Needed

Heart We Will Forget Him

                                                             

I love Emily Dickinson. She had a way with words and I believe that she was way ahead of her time. This is one of my favorite poems by her. I love the flow of this poem and how I am still able to relate to it to this day. Enjoy.

     Heart, we will forget him,
     You and I tonight!
    You must forget the warmth he gave,
   I will forget the light.


  When you have done pray tell me,
  then I, my thoughts will dim.
 Haste! 'lest while you're lagging
 I may remember him!


Emily Dickinson (December 1830- May 1886)

*Image taken from Google.com*

..Say Something..

I have a confession: I'm awkward.. And I think its starting to show. One thing I've always dreaded is meeting new people =___=.. Its not like I can't carry on a decent conversation, but sometimes I just can't get those words out.

Either I choke or experience word vomit. You know?, Where your mouth starts running a mile a minute and your brain can't catch up. Its the worse!

So I thought to myself. Whats the deal? I mean, they're just people. And I've never met anyone who really scared me. 

Maybe I'm just afraid to be vulnerable. Truthfully, I hate that word. Because, to me, it implies weakness. Yeah sure, I've heard it all before. 

"You can't expect people to get to know you if they don't know who you are Brittney."
"You can't expect people to be open with you about themselves but you're not willing to reciprocate."

-Yeah.. maybe so, but sometimes I like being alone. When I'm alone, at least I'm in control. At least I'm not vulnerable.

Its really funny to me how SO many people judge/criticize others on a daily basis and yet most of the people doing the judging/critiquing aren't getting PAID for it. What a mind-boggling concept..

But anyway, that's not what this post is about. (Honestly, I went off topic a while ago..). 

I wanted to address something that's been bothering me... My vulnerability or lack thereof...

I don't know. I think I'd rather be awkward than vulnerable. At least being awkward has gained me some like-minded friends. I don't know too many people who made friends by being "vulnerable".

I guess I'll just work on my issues. I remember when I was younger, I used to want a therapist but doing all this rambling seems to be helping.

I guess....

Ode To The Quirky Girl

                                                      Google image result: Margaret Cho

                                                         Google image result: Issa Rae

                                                           Google image result: Tina Fey

                                                                Me: Brittney J

I don't think the quirky girl gets the respect or the recognition that she deserves, so I decided to write a poem about her.

Ode to the quirky girl.
The girl who marches to the beat of her own drum.
The girl who makes her own rules.
And isn't afraid to stand out.
As a kid,
they called you weird.
But labels like that didn't make you fear.

You like being different.
It makes you unique.
You've always been able to stand on your own two feet,
and defend your honor.
Because people fear what they don't understand,
but if only they would give you a chance...

Ode to the quirky girl.
As a young woman you became,
a fighter,
a writer, 
a comic, 
a poet,
a revolutionary.
A voice for those who needed you.
This is your purpose.
This is your calling.


Quirky girls unite!
Let your "freak flag" wave!
Originality and creativity
at its finest.
Qualities you possess,
that no one can take from you.
Ode to the quirky girl.
Because you're so damn cool.

Maybe its because today was pretty awesome, or maybe its just because I love this song. Enjoy. Oh how I miss The Smashing Pumpkins.

Ode To Joy

I wrote this poem a while ago, can't remember exactly when. From the looks of things, it seems like I was going through a tough time, but thankfully theres a happy ending :)


I've been a debbie downer lately and I apologize. Stress tends to do that to me. She's a mean and spiteful bitch.
But anyways, this is an ode to joy. I think its important from time to time, to remember and acknowledge all the good things around you.
Keep the things that make you happy and discard anything/anyone that doesn't.

This is an ode to joy. Shout out to all the good times, the happy times and the funny times.
No bad times here. None I care to mention.

I'd like to say that I'm grateful for my life, the lives of my friends, and family. And anyone else who inspired me or helped me in some way.

I'm glad that every instance in my life, whether good or bad, has taught me something valuable.

Shout out to all the good days and even the bad ones too. Cause the good always seem to outweigh the bad, don't they? :)

I love my life and those in it. I love my flaws.
My silliness, my craziness, and my creativity.

All these things and more made me who I am today.
Without them, theres no telling who or what I'd be.

This is an ode to joy. Taking the time to be joyful has help me put things into perspective.
So the next time I'm feeling down, I'll just read this again.

The Rose That Grew From Concrete

I love Tupac. The man was not only a hip-hop legend, but a true visionary as well. He was a thug, but he was about change. He stood for something and he wanted to see black people do better. I have been a fan of his music since I was a kid. I remember the first time I read his poems. It was awe inspiring. Below is one of my favorite Tupac poems. Enjoy.

Did you hear about the rose that grew
from a crack in the concrete?
Proving nature's law is wrong it
learned to walk with out having feet.
Funny it seems, but by keeping it's dreams
it learned to breathe fresh air.
Long live the rose that grew from concrete
when no one else ever cared.


Written By Tupac Shakur: (1971-1996)

Realize

I've been doing a lot of thinking. About life and what direction I'm taking. I've come a long way and I'm proud of myself for letting go of some of those bad habits that haunted me in the past. I wrote this poem when I was doing some reflecting and soul searching about a year ago. 

When you're young

All you wanna do is have fun.

No worrying about tomorrow.

Because, when you're livin on borrowed time,

You don't realize right away

Just how wrong you might be.

You say, life is short.

You gotta live for the moment.

The here and now.

Today, not tomorrow.

See, I'm not trying to criticize

I just want to analyze

and let you see things,

from my point of view.

Because nobody wants to wake up

and realize that life has passed them by.

Nobody wants to wake up

asking them selves why?

So think about life. 

Because it is what you make it.

And you don't want to shorten your life span,

By living life too fast.

Because the fast lane,

is for those runnin on max,

And we can't all, live life like that.

.... this is how I feel right now...

I guess this is a bit of a rebuttal

    When I first heard about this video, I thought Nineteen Percent was one of many haters who had something nasty to say about the Run The World (Girls) video, but after watching it, I had to change my tune. Nineteen Percent is right. She bought legit facts to the table and shed light on many things that we need to talk about in society such as: the blatantly obvious yet seldom talked about discussion of the disparities between men and women. Kudos to her. I do still like the song because in my opinion, I think Beyonce was just trying to make a positive song for females. The song would be better, if the lyrics were true. Food for thought..

Omg, I love her lol!

Stumbled across this video because I was on her blog, (which I just discovered today) and omg I love her. LJ Knight is too funny and she keeps it real. After reading a couple of her articles, I can say that I'm a fan. Check out this video of her giving reasons why black women should date outside their race. (By the way, I agree).

Girl Power

    I'm a Beyonce fan so when the Run The World, (Girls) video premiered last night I was excited to see it. It was what I expected from a Beyonce video so I was not disappointed. Beyonce is always on top of her game, and as an entertainer she also looks for ways to outdo herself. I'm sure that the only person who can top Beyonce, is Beyonce.

*Secrets*

    I keep things to myself because my secrets are safe with me. So don't ask me whats wrong, unless you want me to tell you a lie.. I could try to change these emotions, maybe change the way I feel. But for what? It wouldn't be real. I'm pretty sure-no I'm certain that I've lost touch with reality. I can't see whats in front of me. Maybe thats how its meant to be. Damn it all to hell. I know I'm not the only one, who feels this way?... And if I am, well good. Cause in my heart they'll always stay... My secrets..

I really love this song :)

    You can be whoever you want to be.. Just know they're gonna judge you.

Book Update

So my book is now available at Barnes & Noble. Heres the link: http://search.barnesandnoble.com/All-the-Things-I-Never-Said/Brittney-Joseph/e/9781452828657/?itm=1&USRI=brittney+joseph