Saturday, June 18, 2011

..Say Something..

I have a confession: I'm awkward.. And I think its starting to show. One thing I've always dreaded is meeting new people =___=.. Its not like I can't carry on a decent conversation, but sometimes I just can't get those words out.

Either I choke or experience word vomit. You know?, Where your mouth starts running a mile a minute and your brain can't catch up. Its the worse!

So I thought to myself. Whats the deal? I mean, they're just people. And I've never met anyone who really scared me. 

Maybe I'm just afraid to be vulnerable. Truthfully, I hate that word. Because, to me, it implies weakness. Yeah sure, I've heard it all before. 

"You can't expect people to get to know you if they don't know who you are Brittney."
"You can't expect people to be open with you about themselves but you're not willing to reciprocate."

-Yeah.. maybe so, but sometimes I like being alone. When I'm alone, at least I'm in control. At least I'm not vulnerable.

Its really funny to me how SO many people judge/criticize others on a daily basis and yet most of the people doing the judging/critiquing aren't getting PAID for it. What a mind-boggling concept..

But anyway, that's not what this post is about. (Honestly, I went off topic a while ago..). 
I wanted to address something that's been bothering me... My vulnerability or lack thereof...

I don't know. I think I'd rather be awkward than vulnerable. At least being awkward has gained me some like-minded friends. I don't know too many people who made friends by being "vulnerable".

I guess I'll just work on my issues. I remember when I was younger, I used to want a therapist but doing all this rambling seems to be helping.

I guess....

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