So.. This Is Me..

Its crazy what we can rationalize.
The human mind is more powerful than we think.
I've noticed that most of what I've rationalized, was to my detriment, not my benefit.
I often wonder, what's going on in my head?
Can't believe I said that, can't believe I did that, can't believe it was you...
I'd like to say that fate dealt me a difficult hand, but I don't believe in fate.
I  guess what I need to do is find understanding, find a way to explain my actions.
Am I the only one that wants what I can't have?
Am I the only one that wants whats wrong for me?
Am I the only one that finds it so hard to do right but so easy to do wrong?
Its as if I have a knack for choosing the wrong thing.
They always said, don't fret over what you can not change.
Well I guess I'm stuck this way.
Then again, maybe I'm right where I need to be?
So, this is me. But it doesn't have to be.
I accept my lot in life.. For now..

Before I Self Destruct....

On a warm sunny summer night, I decided that I wanted to be reckless.

I told myself, before I self destruct, let me consider what my alternatives are.

And when nothing came to mind, my decision had been made.

It was almost as if I had envisioned this happening before it did.

Good case of deja vu.

So I bid reality goodbye and took flight.

Against the night sky.

Against the city lights. Against the trees.

Against right/wrong, and reason.

Summer always seems to be my season for trouble.

So, I told myself, before I self destruct

let me try to remember why I feel as if I need to do so..

And when nothing came to mind, I began to unwind.

I was over and out, gone with the wind.

I knew I had sinned, but I didn't care.

I couldn't. I wouldn't allow guilt to make me regret.

What was so wrong but felt so right.