I fancied you

I don't even think I all the way liked you.
But I fancied you.
Hard.
I always do this.
Go through the motions.
Like, semi-like, like a lot, fancy, semi-love, almost-love.
But it won't go that far.
No, not for me.
At least I'll never have to say,
"I used to love him."
Nope, I don't want that to be me.
I do not believe in love lost.
Or love found.
Love should be here,
I shouldn't have to work for it.
It should just know.
Know that I need it, when I need it.
Maybe I should just tell it.
Tell it what I want.
Maybe then, things would be different?

Yup

Growing Up: How I Tried To Avoid The Labyrinth

Some days I wish I was a kid again.
Remember when we were kids?
And everything was so simple.
We'd go to school, get home, then spend the day outside playing.
That was life.
That was all we knew and all we needed to know.
Oh to be a kid again.
Care free and happy.
Things change.
Oh how fast things change.
And before I knew it, my life had changed.
I couldn't play outside with friends.
I had to do homework. After homework, came studying.
Life would never be the same again.
Looking back,
I wish I didn't take recess and naps for granted.
How valuable those things are.
I like this age,
this stage I've reached.
Young adulthood, as they stay.
But nothing compares to childhood.
Childhood is freedom.
Freedom from the labyrinth.
Freedom from growing up.
The labyrinth is what I've tried to avoid.
Adulthood.
I don't want to grow up.
No, not yet.
Let me be a kid again.
Just one more time.

The Reluctant Opportunist

I'm beginning to think that I have no idea what I'm talking about..
Opportunity keeps knocking at my door, but I keep missing her.
Maybe if I tried a little harder, I could catch up to her.
If I ever see her, I'll ask her what her secret to success is.
If I ever meet her, I'll ask her to teach me her ways.
The last four years have been procrastination filled, anxiety ridden, stress-inducing nightmares of my former self.
I've evolved since then.
I've grown up, (somewhat) since then.
I like to think that as I've gotten older, I've gotten wiser.
But maybe I'm just fooling myself.
Wait, no, what was that?
What does any of this have to do with opportunity?
Well, quite frankly.
I view this as an opportunity to vent on some pent-up frustrations that I've been feeling.
Lately, time and opportunities seem to be passing me by.
I could try and chase them,
but I'm just not fast enough.
Life as I know it,
has shown me that I don't know much at all.
It's all so funny, actually.
I find myself blissfully unaware, and yet fully aware of my circumstances.
As it were, I've discovered some sort of a happy medium.
A happy medium between the quarter life crisis, girlhood, and adulthood.
I'll just enjoy things as they are now.
No need to figure it all out in one sitting.
I mean, I'm only 22.
Tomorrow, when opportunity calls.
I'll answer her.
Tomorrow.

Familiar

I see the face.
I've felt that glare.
I know the look.
I sense the stare.
It's all becoming way too familiar.
How can it be, that you're looking at me in such a way?
Like you really know me?
Like you have me figured out?


Well I may not have you figured out,
but I do know one thing.
It never seems to be the right person at the right time..
But rest assured, you and I will get along just fine.
Just don't expect much in return.
I don't have much to give to you.
Don't know what to say to you.


But I can listen.
I'll always be able to listen to that stare as it sweeps over me,
that look as it glances in my direction.
That whisper as you hold back, what it is, you'd really like to say...
That familiar face that I fear.
That familiar face that you keep giving me.
Please don't stare.
Don't look at me that way.
Didn't anyone ever tell you that it is rude to stare?
If this is your way of expressing yourself,
I'm going to need for you to get a new hobby.
As soon as possible...
I don't want your guilt on me.
Take it with you, as you leave.

Reminisce

I think I heard your melody, last night as the rain poured down on my window pane.
Beating softly to the tune of my heart beat.
I think I heard your voice.
Whispering softly to me through my bed sheets.
The ever present feeling I get when I feel you near,
The familiar reminders of sweet embraces and new found love.
Filling the air I breathe.
Encompassing my very being.
Making me think of you.
Light touches and smiles.
Familiar sounds and colors.
All wrapped up in a bundle.
That is you.
That's how I'll remember you.
Once upon a time on a warm summers day.
It's colder now but you'll always have a warm place in my heart.
As long as you remain the same.
For God's sake... don't you ever change...

Fly

I see your face but I can't understand what you're saying.
You're looking at me like you understand me, but you don't. 
It's obvious that I don't trust, anyone.
So why are you still here?
I'm tired of the pain, the hurt, and the lies.
And all the half sincere goodbyes.
Sometimes I just want it all to end.
To end.
But when I see you standing there, looking at me like you really care.
You start to make me believe, that I could fly.
So high, so high.
That I could fly.
Now I don't know what you want from me, but I can guarantee that you won't get it.
I've built up walls, yet you keep trying to tear them down.
Are you a fool or am I a fool?
Is it me you want?
Or are you just putting up a front?
I'm tired of the pain, the hurt, and the lies.
And all those half sincere goodbyes.
Sometimes I wish it would all just end.
Just end.
But when I see you standing there, looking at me like you really care.
You start to make me believe, that I could fly.
So high, so high.
That I could fly...